What I learned in Vegas stays in Vegas

LAS VEGAS--Some observations about this freaky little town in the dessert from Captain Obvious:
Ladies here always seem happy to help a fella from out of town out with a pointer or two (see photo, above). These kids were getting thrown out of the Wynn Thursday night for bringing their giant inflatable penis into the casino. Seems a deflating penis is not the image they want to project at the Wynn. Any suggestion of such a catastrophe is enough to get a casino security guard cranky. 
The girls did not seem to understand when I threatened to sue them for intellectual property theft.

Finally--a faster way to lose money than RIM stock

There is a slot machine at the Wynn Encore casino that costs at least one thousand dollars per play. It's framed in gold, tucked into the "High Limit Slot Player" room and it gets used at least once a day according to the dude at the desk. It can deliver a million dollar payoff. It does not, as I discovered, take Canadian Tire money.
There do not appear to be too many slot machines based on TV shows at the Wynn/Encore. There are Wheel of Fortune machines and a few featuring The Monkees. The surviving Monkees, I'm sure, get nothing out of this unless they put money into it. Their cash for life lottery win came in in 1966.
There is a slot machine themed around Fox's American Idol, with Ryan Seacrest grinning from the screen. Thank goodness, the kid needs the money. If you win a dawg barks.

Put your clothes back on--Richard Hatch is not on the Survivor slot machine

CBS's game opera Survivor, with caricatures of Rudy, Rupert and Jerri, is also among the slot machines on display at the Wynn/Encore. Not featured is a drawing of Richard Hatch. Why remind customers that their winnings are subject to the tax man?

Venice, anyone?

The nearby and majestic Venetian Palazzo Resort houses an enormous recreation of Venice street life inside its doors. Everything is themed to look like you're outside in Italy, with canals weaving around the high end shops tucked inside the quaint street scape. Gondolas weave through the maze of people and merchandise like hookers on the strip. It all looks very cool at night, although there is a Pirates of the Caribbean quality to it all. Plus it seems kooky when the waiter asks if you want to sit inside or outside at one of the cafes--and you realize it is all inside. 
In an effort to hypnotize players into a deep, impenetrable, money-spending coma, constantly pumped into the game rooms at the Wynn is the noxious music of Michael Buble.